지루함과 새로운 것을 배우는 것에 관한 생각
알량한 지식으로 할 수 있는 게 생기니 벌어진 일
오랜 시간동안 독서를 하지 않았다. 공부도 요즘 게을리 한 것 같다. 지금 내가 가진 지식으로, 무언가를 해볼 수 있게 되어서인 것 같다. 논문을 열심히 들여다보면 적당한 수준에서 구현할 수 있었고, 대충 레퍼런스 문서 찾아보면 내게 필요한 정도의 프로그래밍은 대강 할 수 있게 된 이후부터인 것 같다.
오랫동안 새로운 것을 배우는 일을 하지 않았더니 새로운 것을 배우는 방법을 까먹어버린 것 같다. 계속 할 줄 아는 대로, 편한 대로 생각하게 되어버린 것 같다. 무언가를 찾아볼 때, 정말 중요한 것들은 어딘가 책에 쓰여져 있다는 사실을 알고 있으면서도, 블로그나 유투브 글부터 찾게 되는 나를 볼 수 있었다.
이 상태를 약간 다르게 표현하자면, 새로운 것을 배우는 지루함을 견딜 수 없게 되어버린 것만 같다.
오랜만에 책을 읽다가, 지루함은 굉장히 보편적인 감정이며, 어느 정도의 지루함을 견디는 능력이 상당히 중요하다는 사실을 깨닫게 되었다. 이 사실이 공부와 배움 모두에 도움이 되지 않을까 싶어 까먹기 전에 적어두고 싶었다.
지루함에 관해
많은 일은 사실 대부분 지루하다. 새로운 논문을 읽으려면 최소한 몇시간, 길면 며칠을 열 페이지 내외의 종이쪼가리와 열심히 씨름해야 한다. 영화를 봐도 마찬가지이다. 모든 영화에는 지루한 순간이 존재한다. 내게 가치있는 것들은 그런 경향이 더 심하다.
읽은 책에서 이런 내용도 있었다.
The lives of most great men have not been exciting except at a few great moments. (…) Kant is said never to have been more than ten miles from Konigsberg in all his life. (…) Marx, after stirring up a few revolutions, decided to spend the remainder of his quiet life in the British Museum. Altogether it will be found that a quiet life is characteristic of great men and that their pleasures have not been of the sort that would look exciting to the outward eye. No great achievement is possible without persistent work, so absorbing and so difficult that little energy is left over for the more strenuous kinds of amusement, (…) 많은 위대한 사람들의 삶은, 몇몇 순간을 제외하고는 그다지 흥미롭지 않다. 칸트는 자기가 살고 있던 쾨니히스베르크 10마일 밖으로 나가 본 적이 없었다. 마르크스는, 몇번의 선동을 마치고 영국대박물관에서 여생을 보내기로 결심했다. 전체적으로는, 이런 삶이 위대한 사람들의 특징이며 그들이 그들의 삶을 바친 즐거움은, 다른 사람이 보기에 즐거워보이지 않을 일들이었을 것이다. 끊임없는 노력 없이 이루어지는 훌륭한 성취는 없고, 그러한 노력은 깊은 몰입과 고통을 수반하기 때문에, 위대한 사람들은 다른 즐거움을 찾아 나설 에너지가 없게 되어버리는 것이다.
암튼, 훌륭한 일은 지루함 없이는 일어나지 않는다고 한다. 곰곰히 생각해보니 나도 그랬던 것 같다. 최근 경험했던 가장 힘든 지루함은 논문 쓰기였다. 한 문장을 쓰는 순간에도 몇 번씩 생각하고, 그렇게 생각한 문장을 썼다가, 지우고, 이런 과정을 반복해야 했다. 물론 더럽게 재미없었다. 하지만, 결과는 가치있다. 물론 연구실을 나가는 바람에 2저자가 되었지만…십.. 예를 한가지만 들었지만, 어쩌면 세상 모든 일은 지루한 만큼 가치있는 일이 아닐까 하는 생각이 들 정도다. 가치있는 일은, 지루한 순간을 (더럽게 많이) 포함하고 있다.
무언가를 배우는 일
무언가를 배우는 일은 지루하지만, 포기하지 않고 노력하는 내가 되었으면 좋겠다. 한시간 버스 출퇴근의 지루함도 견디는 내가 되었으면 좋겠다.
사실 굳이 지루한 일이 아니더라도, 뭔가 좋은 일을 해 보려고 하면 많은 좆같음을 감내해야 하는 경우가 많다. 운동선수가 열심히 연습을 하는 거나, 프로그래머가 새로운 라이브러리를 공부하고 튜토리얼을 하나 둘 씩 직접 따라해보는 일이라던가…
하기만 많이 한다고 좋은 선수/프로그래머/혹은 무언가가 되는 건 아니라고 한다. 의식적인 연습이 중요하다고 하는데, 그게 엔지니어인 내게는 의식적인 공부가 아닐까 하는 생각이 든다.
그저 그런 사람이 되지 않으려면… 뭘 해야 하는진 yourself 베리 잘 아시고 계시겠지데스..
여담
블로그를 오래 지속하는 사람들은 다 아스퍼거 같다고 친구가 그랬는데… 암튼 지속적으로 블로그에 글을 올리는 건 어렵다는 얘기를 하고 싶었던 것 같다. 그리고 정말 어려운 것 같다. 좀 공부를 많이 해야 쓸 게 많을 것 같다. \^_\^…
退屈と新しいことを学ぶことについての考え
浅い知識でできることが増えた結果、起きたこと
長い間、読書をしていなかった。勉強も最近は怠けていた気がする。今の自分が持っている知識で、何かをやってみられるようになったからだと思う。 論文を一生懸命読めばそれなりのレベルで実装できたし、ざっとリファレンス文書を探せば自分に必要な程度のプログラミングは大体できるようになった頃からだと思う。
長い間、新しいことを学ばずにいたら、新しいことを学ぶ方法を忘れてしまった気がする。ずっと自分ができるやり方で、楽なように考えるようになってしまった気がする。 何かを調べるとき、本当に重要なことはどこかの本に書かれているという事実を知っていながらも、ブログやYouTubeの記事から探し始める自分に気づいた。
この状態を少し違う言い方で表すなら、新しいことを学ぶ退屈さに耐えられなくなってしまったような気がする。
久しぶりに本を読んでいて、退屈は非常に普遍的な感情であり、ある程度の退屈に耐える能力がかなり重要だということに気づいた。この事実が勉強にも学びにも役立つのではないかと思い、忘れる前に書き留めておきたかった。
退屈について
多くのことは、実のところほとんどが退屈だ。新しい論文を読むには、少なくとも数時間、長ければ数日間、10ページ前後の紙切れと必死に格闘しなければならない。映画を観ても同じだ。どんな映画にも退屈な瞬間がある。自分にとって価値のあるものほど、その傾向は強い。
読んだ本には、こんな内容もあった。
The lives of most great men have not been exciting except at a few great moments. (…) Kant is said never to have been more than ten miles from Konigsberg in all his life. (…) Marx, after stirring up a few revolutions, decided to spend the remainder of his quiet life in the British Museum. Altogether it will be found that a quiet life is characteristic of great men and that their pleasures have not been of the sort that would look exciting to the outward eye. No great achievement is possible without persistent work, so absorbing and so difficult that little energy is left over for the more strenuous kinds of amusement, (…) 多くの偉人の人生は、いくつかの瞬間を除けば、それほど刺激的ではない。カントは、自分が住んでいたケーニヒスベルクから10マイルの外へ出たことがなかった。マルクスは、何度か扇動を終えた後、大英博物館で余生を送ることを決心した。全体として、こうした人生は偉人たちの特徴であり、彼らが人生を捧げた楽しみは、他人から見れば楽しそうには見えないことだったのだろう。絶え間ない努力なしに成し遂げられる立派な成果はなく、その努力には深い没頭と苦痛が伴うため、偉人たちはほかの楽しみを探しに行くエネルギーがなくなってしまうのだ。
とにかく、立派なことは退屈なしには起こらないらしい。じっくり考えてみると、自分もそうだった気がする。最近経験した最もつらい退屈は論文を書くことだった。一文を書く瞬間にも何度も考え、そうやって考えた文を書いては消し、この過程を繰り返さなければならなかった。もちろんクソつまらなかった。でも、結果には価値がある。もちろん研究室を出たせいで第二著者になったけど…クソッ… 例は一つしか挙げていないが、もしかすると世の中のあらゆることは、退屈である分だけ価値があるのではないかと思うほどだ。価値のあることには、退屈な瞬間が（クソほどたくさん）含まれている。
何かを学ぶこと
何かを学ぶことは退屈だが、諦めずに努力する自分になれたらいい。1時間のバス通勤の退屈にも耐えられる自分になれたらいい。
実のところ、必ずしも退屈なことでなくても、何か良いことをしようとすると、たくさんのクソみたいなことに耐えなければならない場合が多い。スポーツ選手が一生懸命練習することや、プログラマーが新しいライブラリを勉強して、チュートリアルを一つ二つと自分でやってみることとか…
ただたくさんやれば良い選手／プログラマー／あるいは何かになれるわけではないらしい。意識的な練習が重要だというが、それはエンジニアである自分にとっては意識的な勉強なのではないかと思う。
平凡な人にならないためには…何をすべきかは yourself ベリーよくご存じでいらっしゃるでしょうデス…
余談
長くブログを続けている人はみんなアスペルガーみたいだと友達が言っていたけど…とにかく、継続的にブログへ文章を投稿するのは難しいという話をしたかったんだと思う。そして本当に難しい気がする。かなり勉強しないと、書くこともたくさん出てこない気がする。\^_\^…
关于无聊和学习新事物的思考
有了一点浅薄知识、能做些事情以后发生的事
很长时间没有读书了。最近学习好像也懈怠了。我想，可能是因为凭我现在拥有的知识，已经能试着做一些事情了。 只要认真钻研论文，就能实现到一个还算过得去的水平；只要大致翻翻参考文档，也已经能马马虎虎完成自己所需程度的编程了，大概就是从那以后开始的。
太久没有学习新东西，感觉自己已经忘了该怎么学习新东西。好像一直都只按自己会的方式、舒服的方式去思考了。 查找某样东西时，明明知道真正重要的东西都写在某本书里，却发现自己还是会先去找博客或YouTube上的内容。
换一种说法来描述这种状态，我似乎已经无法忍受学习新事物时的无聊了。
久违地读书时，我意识到无聊是一种非常普遍的情绪，而忍受一定程度无聊的能力相当重要。我觉得这一点或许对学习和求知都有帮助，所以想趁忘记之前记下来。
关于无聊
很多事情其实大部分都很无聊。要读一篇新论文，至少得花几个小时，长则几天，拼命和十页左右的几张纸较劲。看电影也一样。所有电影里都有无聊的时刻。对我而言有价值的东西，这种倾向反而更强。
读过的书里还有这样一段内容。
The lives of most great men have not been exciting except at a few great moments. (…) Kant is said never to have been more than ten miles from Konigsberg in all his life. (…) Marx, after stirring up a few revolutions, decided to spend the remainder of his quiet life in the British Museum. Altogether it will be found that a quiet life is characteristic of great men and that their pleasures have not been of the sort that would look exciting to the outward eye. No great achievement is possible without persistent work, so absorbing and so difficult that little energy is left over for the more strenuous kinds of amusement, (…) 许多伟人的一生，除少数几个时刻外，并没有多么精彩。据说康德一生从未离开过自己居住的柯尼斯堡十英里之外。马克思在煽动了几次革命之后，决定在大英博物馆度过余生。总体而言，这样的生活正是伟人的特征，而他们为之奉献一生的乐趣，在别人看来大概并不像什么乐趣。没有持续不断的努力，就不可能取得卓越的成就；这种努力伴随着深度投入和痛苦，因此伟人们也就没有精力再去寻找其他乐趣了。
总之，据说卓越之事不可能在没有无聊的情况下发生。仔细想想，我好像也是如此。最近经历过的最难熬的无聊，就是写论文。哪怕写一句话，也要反复想上好几遍，把这样想出来的句子写下，再删掉，不断重复这个过程。当然他妈的一点都不好玩。但结果是有价值的。当然，因为离开了实验室，结果成了二作……操…… 虽然只举了一个例子，但我甚至觉得，也许世上一切事情都是有多无聊，就有多大价值。值得做的事情里，包含着（他妈的巨多）无聊的时刻。
学习某种东西
学习某种东西虽然无聊，但希望自己能成为一个不放弃、继续努力的人。也希望自己能忍受坐一小时公交车上下班的无聊。
其实就算不一定是无聊的事情，想要做点好事时，很多时候也得忍受一大堆操蛋的东西。比如运动员刻苦训练，或者程序员学习新的库，亲手把教程一个、两个地跟着做下来……
据说并不是只要做得多，就能成为优秀的运动员／程序员／或是什么别的人。人们说刻意练习很重要，而我觉得，对身为工程师的我来说，那或许就是刻意学习。
要想不成为那种平庸的人……该做什么，yourself 应该贝瑞清楚地知道吧desu……
题外话
朋友说，能长期坚持写博客的人好像都是阿斯伯格……总之，我想表达的应该是持续在博客上发文章很难。而且好像真的很难。看来得多学点东西，才会有更多可写的。\^_\^…
Thoughts on Boredom and Learning New Things
What Happened Once My Meager Knowledge Became Enough to Do Things
I had not read a book in a long time. I think I have been slacking off on studying lately too. I think it is because I became able to try doing things with the knowledge I already have. I think it started after I reached the point where, if I studied a paper closely, I could implement it at a passable level, and if I skimmed through the reference docs, I could more or less do as much programming as I needed.
After going so long without learning anything new, I feel like I have forgotten how to learn new things. I seem to have fallen into always thinking in the ways I already know, in whatever way is comfortable. When looking something up, even though I know that the truly important things are written down in a book somewhere, I caught myself starting with blog posts or YouTube content.
To put this state a little differently, it feels as though I have become unable to endure the boredom of learning something new.
While reading a book for the first time in a while, I realized that boredom is an extremely universal emotion and that the ability to endure a certain amount of it is quite important. I thought this fact might help with both studying and learning, so I wanted to write it down before I forgot.
On Boredom
Most things are, in fact, mostly boring. To read a new paper, you have to spend at least a few hours—and, at the long end, several days—wrestling hard with a scrap of paper around ten pages long. Movies are the same. Every movie has boring moments. Things that are valuable to me tend to be even more like that.
The book I read also contained this passage.
The lives of most great men have not been exciting except at a few great moments. (…) Kant is said never to have been more than ten miles from Konigsberg in all his life. (…) Marx, after stirring up a few revolutions, decided to spend the remainder of his quiet life in the British Museum. Altogether it will be found that a quiet life is characteristic of great men and that their pleasures have not been of the sort that would look exciting to the outward eye. No great achievement is possible without persistent work, so absorbing and so difficult that little energy is left over for the more strenuous kinds of amusement, (…) The lives of many great people are not particularly exciting except for a few moments. Kant never went more than ten miles outside Königsberg, where he lived. Marx, after finishing up a few agitations, decided to spend the rest of his life in the British Museum. Overall, this kind of life is characteristic of great people, and the pleasures to which they devoted their lives were probably things that would not look pleasurable to others. No great achievement comes without ceaseless effort, and because such effort entails deep absorption and pain, great people end up with no energy left to seek out other pleasures.
Anyway, they say that nothing great happens without boredom. Thinking it over, I suppose that was true for me too. The hardest boredom I experienced recently was writing a paper. Even while writing a single sentence, I had to think it over several times, write the sentence I had thought up, erase it, and repeat the whole process. Of course, it was fucking boring. But the result is worthwhile. Of course, I ended up as the second author because I left the lab…fuck… I have given only one example, but it almost makes me wonder whether everything in the world is as valuable as it is boring. Worthwhile things contain (a fucking lot of) boring moments.
Learning Something
Learning something is boring, but I hope I can become someone who keeps trying without giving up. I hope I can become someone who can also endure the boredom of a one-hour bus commute.
Actually, even when something is not necessarily boring, trying to do something good often requires putting up with a lot of fucked-up shit. Like an athlete training hard, or a programmer studying a new library and personally following the tutorials one by one…
They say that simply doing a lot does not make you a good athlete/programmer/or whatever. Deliberate practice is said to be important, and I wonder whether, for me as an engineer, that might mean deliberate study.
If you do not want to become just some mediocre person… yourself must already 베리 well know what you need to do겠지desu…
Aside
A friend said that people who keep a blog going for a long time all seem like they have Asperger’s… Anyway, I think what he wanted to say was that it is hard to keep posting on a blog. And it really does seem hard. I suppose I need to study a lot more to have more things to write about. \^_\^…